


Zombie Day

by emma98



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bucky and Darcy building their friendship, F/M, Protective Bucky, Tony stark is bad at extending the olive branch, Zombie Apocalypse, background Bucky/Nat - Freeform, darcy hates halloween but loves being ultraprepared for the zombie apocalypse, established shieldshock, inappropriate dark humor in the face of zombies eating brains, major characters become zombiefied, sibling-esque relationships, zombie preparedness, zombie tweenagers eat some brains for a second here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 14:58:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12584420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emma98/pseuds/emma98
Summary: Bucky really thinks Steve's future bride is a sweet lady, but he definitely gets the feeling that she doesn't like him very much.He'd like to remedy that with a little Halloween bonding, but Darcy definitely doesn't like Halloween.  What Darcy does like is preparing for the inevitable zombie apocalypse.  Really, really preparing for the entire world to turn into flesh eating zombies hungry for fresh brains.And it's a good thing she did prepare so much, because it looks like it's really going to happen.





	Zombie Day

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
> 
> Please read this with blurry eyes, as it was written in a very very short amount of time.
> 
> BOO! ZOMBIES

 

Darcy Lewis, was not the greatest fan of Halloween.

 

Yeah, she realized that most people in the millennial generation fawned over the holiday as if it were the greatest thing since sliced bread.  At the age of fourteen she had been rejected from the local group of goth kids who hung out in front of the graveyard before and after school because she had admitted that Halloween wasn't THAT much fun.  And she'd already dyed her hair black and everything.

 

Yes, she loved candy.  She wasn't a _heathen_.

 

And sure, costumes seemed fun, but the reality was that it was either freezing cold on Halloween night and her costume was essentially made out of toilet paper OR, it was ninety balmy degrees the next year when her Nana had dressed her up in a double lined werewolf costume.  And she was officially sick of ill-fitting Halloween tights, no matter how cute the striped candy corn patterns were, they still were obnoxiously  tight and simultaneously loose and hanging three inches below her crotch.  She had even gotten Science in on it and none of her genius friends could figure out the conundrum that was novelty tights.

 

She'd finally found her Halloween blase nation with Doctor Jane Foster, who was far too oblivious to even realize it was Halloween when the so-called holiday rolled around.  And Erik Selvig always said there were too many real horrors in the world to mimic them at Halloween.  

 

So in the dusty desert of New Mexico, far away from that graveyard on the East Coast where she'd been banned from the emo goth kid group for life, Darcy instituted her own Halloween tradition.  She got an air horn and made Erik and Jane run through zombie preparedness scenarios.

 

Ten years later, and she'd gone from shouting at Erik about getting the canned goods into the backpacks and helping Jane to pack up her machines in less than five minutes, to running much more complex end of the world scenarios.  

 

Tony Stark, a perverse lover of all things Halloween, had funded her for a while, only because he would use his bots as the 'zombies' in the scenario, and allow them to chase civilians around the 'preparedness zone', aka, the party where everyone placated Darcy, but actually had a really great time.  

 

When the Avengers had their big, sad, awful break up of 2016, _someone_ had obviously been paying attention during the years of Halloween drills and lectures from Darcy.  Because Steve and his recently freed team and their closest friends rumbled up on an old, abandoned children's summer camp high up in the Appalachia.  It had been bought and paid for at a bargain basement price, and ever since then, money (from Steve and Thor and even Bruce) had been laundered and funneled into it (by Natasha and the Bartons) to make it one of the most secure, easily defensible safe spots in the entire world.

 

Darcy Lewis' Zombie Preparedness Camp was now officially Darcy Lewis' Zombie Preparedness Camp and Home for Wayward Superheroes.

  


And so long as she provided loads of candy and sugary sweet baked goods, everyone seemed just fine with the fact that Halloween was the most downplayed holiday of the year.  

 

She preferred Christmas after all.  Christmas was gift giving and hot chocolate and fun songs and decorated trees that smelled like heaven.  And Steve proposed to her last Christmas.  They were going to have Christmas wedding in two short months. Yes, Christmas was superior to Halloween in all ways according to one Darcy Lewis soon to be Rogers.

 

But it was still October 31st.  And although Lila and Cooper didn't much care about trick or treating any longer, there was still Cassie  and Nathaniel and the Wombats to think of.  So Darcy baked her treats and bought the candy and then did what she normally did on Halloween.

 

...prepared for the annual Darcy Lewis Zombie Apocalypse.

 

"BOO!"

 

Darcy shrieked and the tray of pretzel rods coated in chocolate and smothered half to death with orange and purple sprinkles went flying in the air before clattering to the ground in a half melted chocolate and pretzel cracking mess.  Darcy's hands balled into fists and she spun around to glare as hard as she dared up at the six foot tall former assassin who had been delivered to the facility on December 1st of last year by the King of Wakanda himself.

 

"I wish Santa T'Challa would TAKE YOU BACK, BARNES!" Darcy shouted at him, her face going pink all over with her rage.

 

"Awww, don't get upset kid, it's Halloween, it's time to be spooky," Bucky assured her as he reached out and ruffled her hair obnoxiously.  "What are you supposed to be anyway?"

 

She was wearing layers upon layers of clothing.  Thermal underwear, sweat pants, sports bra, t-shirt, bigger t-shirt, sweatshirt and then a raincoat.  She had a backpack on her back and a utility belt with not one, but TWO fanny packs attached to it.  And Bucky’s practiced eye could see what appeared to be some kind of double sword holster crisscrossed on her back.

 

"Someone who _lives_ at the end of the zombie movie," Darcy sassed back.  She looked him up and down and sneered, "Are you ACTUALLY dressed as a cat?"

 

"King T'Challa thought it was hilarious," Bucky shrugged nonchalantly before reaching up and adjusting the fuzzy black cat ears attached to a headband.  "And my Natalia is a big fan of cats."

 

"Halloween costumes are forbidden," Darcy muttered as she turned around to survey the mess she had made.

 

"On Halloween?!" Bucky asked incredulously.

 

"If the zombies came and attacked, you'd be completely unprepared and your stupid cat ears would be like a beacon to your brain," Darcy got down on her knees and started to clean up her mess.  Bucky followed suit, and she was thankful for his old-timey gentleman manners, even if she absolutely hated the fact that he really, really loved Halloween.  

 

The two of them had a special sort of relationship.  One could argue, that having Bucky there last Christmastime was the sort of push that Steve Rogers had needed in order to propose to Darcy.  And unbeknownst to everyone, Bucky HAD helped Steve plan the proposal.  But he had not needed to give a kick in the pants to the clearly head over heels in love Steve.  He'd just needed to help the man plan a lovely, private breakfast in bed (Natalia had been so pleased with his involvement in finding Steve lasting happiness that Bucky definitely had his stocking stuffed for Christmas).

 

As the intended bride of his best pal, Bucky automatically was extremely protective of Darcy, who had claimed for the last eleven months that she needed absolutely no protection whatsoever.  So they clashed on that automatically.  

 

Bucky thought she was a clever little spitfire that was perfect for his best friend, in all reality.  And every time she stood up to him and his ridiculous security demands, he only liked her more and more.  But unfortunately, he was pretty sure that Darcy _actually_ hated him on most days and barely tolerated him on the others.  And he had been trying extra hard to make her like him, but apparently celebrating Halloween enthusiastically (she had been disappointed when he had not been super invested in Labor Day) was not the right way to go about things.

 

He was trying to build a proper friendship with her, the friendly easy kind she had with Wilson and Lang and Barton.  And really, since the Wakandans had done such a great job of reintegrating his old memories with his new, his personality had skewed more towards irrepressible, flirtatious shit stirrer, than dour faced murder machine.  So if he teased and poked like she was his annoyed little sister at all times, well---he couldn't be blamed for it.  She very closely resembled one of his little sisters, after all.  It was only natural for him to needle her.

 

And Darcy had reassured Steve that she was totally cool with it, because if she couldn't take it, she wouldn't be able to dish it out.  And boy, did she enjoy dishing it out.  Steve thought that the relationship between his future Mrs. and his best friend was peachy keen, but Steve had been hard pressed to take the rose colored glasses off since last Christmas and getting everything he ever wanted.

 

Still, an itchy part of Bucky’s brain kept telling him that she didn’t trust him, and would never want to be as close as he thought they should be.

 

"You'd think with all the squeaky nuts and bolts you're made of, you'd make more noise," Darcy grumbled as they cleaned up the mess together.  "Forget the cat ears, the shiny metal arm is going to be a beacon for zombies someday."

 

"Uhhhh," Bucky paused in his wiping up of the chocolate and flexed his Wakandan created bionic arm, which was incredibly intimidating and shiny and beautiful.  It was also very clearly powerful as he picked up a pretzel rod and turned it into dust with a pinch of his fingers.  "Think I'll be okay, Tiny."

 

"Don't call me that," Darcy grumbled.

  


"What's all this mess about zombies, anyway?" Bucky got to his feet and automatically brought out his hands and pulled Darcy up as well.  "I saw Barton and Lang out there making some kind of obstacle course with spaghetti that's been dyed pink.  And Natalia's been downright giddy for a few days now."

 

"It's our version of Halloween," Darcy shrugged, placing the ruined treats on the counter.  "We prepare for zombies."

 

"But---trick or treating?  Costumes?  Bobbing for apples?" Bucky wrinkled his nose.

 

"Waste of time once the undead rise and try to eat our brains," Darcy waved him off.  

 

"How's a little slip of a thing like you gonna survive zombies?" Bucky demanded as he reached over her head and grabbed for a tray of oatmeal butterscotch cookies, his personal favorite that Darcy made for him once a week.  "I call you Tiny for a reason, _Tiny_."

 

"Rude," Darcy snapped back.  "I'll have you know that I've been practicing for this for the last decade of my life and I'll--I'm---ohhh..."

 

Darcy pushed Bucky to the side with considerable strength and made her way to the industrial sized sink a split second before barfing her brains out.  Bucky was happy to see that her hair had been practically braided and coiled around her head, so it wasn't getting in the way of the geyser of vomit coming out of her mouth.

 

"I told Barton not to double dip in that salsa," Bucky sighed, walking over to her and patting her back.  "You okay, Tiny?"

 

"I want mouthwash," Darcy whimpered while Bucky quickly turned the faucet on and the garbage disposal, washing the sick down the drain.  

 

"I got mouthwash in a hidey hole outside," Bucky promised her, "Let's go get you some."

 

"Why've you got it outside?" Darcy wondered as Bucky wrapped his right arm around her and led her out to the wrap around porch of the communal cabin.  

 

"Cause Natalia pulls me out here to make time with every night after dinner.  Can't be having garlic breath for my lady," Bucky winked at her before handing her a cupful.  "Feel better?"

 

"My guts feel like they've been washed down the drain," Darcy mumbled before throwing the little capful of mouthwash into her mouth and swishing around.

 

"I'll make Barton pay on your behalf Tiny, I promise," Bucky nodded.

 

Darcy spit the mouthwash over the wooden porch railing that looked like it had been there since 1948, but was actually reinforced and bullet proof behind it's retro paint job.  And at the flick of Natasha's wrist, electronic veils that were completely impenetrable would flicker to life, providing total safety to whoever was on the porch.

 

If Darcy prepared for the zombie apocalypse, then Natasha prepared for every other disaster that might happen upon them.  

 

Speaking of disasters, Clint and Scott began screeching at the top of their lungs from about one hundred yards away, where they were setting up Darcy's zombie preparedness obstacle course.  

 

"What in the hell?" Bucky questioned, squinting in the distance.  "Tiny?"

 

"I know your memory was modified and electrocuted like, eighty million times since 1945, but my name is _Darcy_ ," the lady in question teased.

 

"Is this part of your Halloween zombie party?" Bucky pointed to Barton and Lang, who were currently being tackled to the ground by two tweenagers.  

 

"It's not a party, it's a highly organized preparedness---holy shit, the Barton kids are zombies, dude!" Darcy gasped out.  She grabbed Bucky's left forearm and used it as leverage as she climbed onto the sturdy porch railing and pulled down two bat-like  objects as well as a well camouflaged gun case.  

 

"Where'd you get the vibranium to coat those bats?" Bucky wondered as she handed him the gun case.  He wasted no time in opening and assembling it, a Pardini GT45-II 9mm, his favorite hand gun.

 

"Princess Shuri owed me one," Darcy shrugged, like it was no big deal to have the _smartest_ person in Wakanda owe her one.  But then again, Bucky was noticing that normally wherever she went, the alleged genius in the room owed Darcy some kind of favor.  One of the bats went on the holster she had on her back and the other was gripped tightly in her hands.  

 

The Barton kids were done feasting off of Clint and Scott, but now the zombie children were apparently looking for fresh brains.  And Clint and Scott were also now reanimated zombies and were shuffling to their zombified feet.

 

"Motherfucker, Barton owed me ten bucks and he went and made himself a zombie?!" Darcy demanded.

 

"This---this can't be real," Bucky murmured but as the children moved quickly towards their position in front of the cabin, he decided he didn't want to stick around and find out.  He wanted to find Natalia and Steve and probably, maybe Sam and get to a safe spot where no one could be zombies anymore.

 

Darcy’s eyes welled with tears and a two fat ones rolled down her cheeks, which she avidly wiped away.  She took a shaky breath, and then another quick, solid one, her spine going to steel as she resolved herself to do something incredibly difficult.  Bucky had always worried the sweet lady wasn’t properly built for the shitstorms that followed Steve’s life, but now he was thinking she could handle anything after seeing two undead kids eat their friends on the front lawn.

 

"Let's roll," Darcy demanded, turning away from Bucky and taking off at a sprint that Bucky easily kept up with.

 

"You should actually do the training and conditioning that Natalia tells you to do instead of eating macaroni and cheese and watching DVD's of cartoons,” he advised her as she huffed and puffed quickly.

 

"Fuck you, Barnes," Darcy gasped out as she ran towards a shed that Bucky had deemed irrelevant months ago.  She hit a button on the outside wall and suddenly a large scale veiling machine turned off, revealing an impressive little garage, containing a large, very well reinforced RV, enough preserved food to last he and Steve another century, and a lot of ammunition.

 

"You---you weren't playing about the zombies, you really think the zombies are something real?" Bucky wondered as he looked at the very impressive shelter.

 

"Duh," Darcy pointed outside just as another terrified scream cut through the air.

 

"Wilson," Bucky guessed.  "I can tell because it sounded a little like a goofy looking bird getting its feathers plucked out."

 

"I always knew Wilson wouldn't make it to the shed," Darcy sighed.  "We leave in five minutes."

 

“Shouldn’t we load up?” Bucky looked at all the supplies.

 

“We lock it on the way out so we can come back to it if we need to,” Darcy assured him.  “Don’t worry, I have one of these bunkers stashed in nearly every corner of North America, and two in England.”

 

"But Tiny, what about everyone else?" Bucky furrowed his brow.  "Natalia?  Steve?"

 

"They went to town, remember?" Darcy admitted, tearing up a bit.  She did the shaky breath thing again then toughened up right in front of Bucky’s eyes once more.   "And---and Laura said that if the kids ever---she wouldn't want to keep going."

 

"We can wait more than five minutes," Bucky insisted.

 

"Nat and Steve know where to meet us," Darcy promised.  "They know what the plan is.  Just---Bucky, come on.  I need you to--I---"

 

She held up her hand and made an aborted heaving sound, her skin looking a little green.  

 

"Tiny, you alright?" Bucky worried.  

 

"NO, there are fucking ZOMBIES," Darcy ground out.  "We need to GO, we need to do the plan, and I don't know--I--"

 

"Darcy?" Bucky took a step forward as Darcy swayed on her feet.  He reached out and grabbed her before she went down to the floor, but she was a deadweight in his arms, completely out cold.

 

* * *

 

 

When she woke up again, she was laying on one of the RV cots and they were moving.  She bent over and heaved the very small contents of her stomach into the conveniently placed bucket next to the cot.

 

"Tiny?  Do I need to stop?" Bucky called out from the front of the RV, where he was driving like a bat out of hell.

 

"M'fine!" Darcy promised.  "How do you know where to go?"

 

"I started up truck and the computer told me where to go," Bucky answered.

 

"Oh, right," Darcy stood up and carefully walked to the little sink to rinse her mouth out once more.  "How long was I out?"

 

"Just five minutes," Bucky revealed.  "Scared the life out of me."

 

"I just---I don't feel well," Darcy admitted, looking more than a little cagey, as if she knew something he didn’t.  "I doubt it's a zombie thing, Barton and Lang turned really quick. But if you want, I can go into the containment unit for a few hours."

 

"Containment unit?" Bucky gave her a look that clearly spoke to just how crazy he thought that she was as she came into the cockpit of the RV and sat down in the center seat.  "I'm not putting you in a containment unit, Tiny."

 

"You should!" Darcy argued.  "If you were smart, you would.  I could be lying. I should have tried to train you sooner, you're way behind in your preparedness and now it's the real thing and I--I--"

 

"Deep breaths, Darcy," Bucky said softly.  He didn't think she had anything left in her to throw up.

 

"I want STEVE," Darcy whimpered.

 

"Okay, okay, we're heading to Steve," Bucky promised.   His eyes went wide as he saw something very strange in the distance, just where their hidden facility's utility road met the main road.  "Tiny, can robots become zombies?"

 

"Robots?" Darcy looked up and squinted to try and see as well as Bucky was seeing. A look of realization stole over her face and she shook her head slightly in disbelief.  An angry look was slowly stealing over all of her features until she was glaring at the wall of robots---of Iron Man robots to be precise.  "That slimy little son of a bitch."

 

"Should I ram through them?" Bucky asked.

 

"DEFINITELY," Darcy answered decisively.  "And then stop and then reverse into them."

 

"Buckle up, Tiny," Bucky ordered about ten seconds before he drove the super reinforced RV (seriously, Shuri must have actually either owed or _love_ loved Darcy) right through the line of the Iron Legion.  Three of the suits went into the air while the other ones managed to fly off.  Bucky's foot hit the brake and he threw the giant vehicle into reverse and slammed his foot on the gas while he spun the wheel, managing to crunch another two of the Iron Legion beneath the wheels of the vehicle.

 

"That was awesome," Darcy breathed out as Bucky put the RV in park.  She unbuckled quickly and went for the biometrically and password protected door.  

 

"Darcy, get back here, you shouldn't go out there," Bucky called out, quickly following her, yanking out the gun she had provided him along with another one of his own.  He caught sight of a vehicle hurtling down the main road towards them and recognized it immediately as the big supply truck that Steve would take once a month into town to pick up necessary supplies.  "Look, it's Stevie and Natalia, let's just wait for them---"

 

Too late, she was already out of the RV, and had already knocked the head off of one of the Iron Legion.

 

"TWO YEARS, STARK!" Darcy roared, even as Steve's supply truck roared onto the scene.  "TWO YEARS AND NOW YOU DECIDE TO JOIN THE PARTY?! YOU GOATEED FUCKSTAIN!!"

 

"What is going on?" Bucky demanded as the tiny dame chased down another of the Iron legion and used her vibranium enforced bat to obliterate it's imaginary robot balls.  He had his guns trained, ready to put more of the robots down at Darcy's order.  "Are they robot zombies?"

 

"They aren't robot zombies," Natasha answered as she calmly exited the car, Steve having already fallen out of it and made a run for his fiancee.  Natasha smiled at Bucky and slunk up next to him, looking impressed at the pretty guns he was holding.  "You've done well to get so far so quick."

 

"Red, darlin', what is goin' on?" Bucky breathed out as Steve tried to stop Darcy from destroying more of the Iron Legion.

 

"Tony's idea of a Halloween practical joke, I'd imagine," Natasha sighed.  "It’s his way of extending the olive branch probably, and a bit of an engagement present for Darcy.  The man really doesn't know how to interact socially with other human beings."

 

"I THOUGHT THEY WERE DEAD!" Darcy yelled as she smashed another Iron Man robot.  "I THOUGHT I'D LOST THEM ALL! YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

  


"Sweetheart, sweetheart, calm down!" Steve called out as he chased after her, trying to disarm her in vain.  "Calm down!"

 

"I'm going to boil his balls!" Darcy screamed.   "I'm going to---"

 

She doubled over and explosively vomited over one of Stark's robots.

 

"Darcy!" Steve finally managed to get the bat out of her hands and threw it to the side before rubbing his hand up and down her back.  "You've gotta calm down, think of the baby."

 

"The what now?" Bucky took a step forward at that.

 

"The baby," Natasha reached out and held onto Bucky's left hand so he wouldn't run up on the couple.  She pulled him back to stand next to her and gave him a small smile.  "The baby that will be here in approximately seven months."

 

"How did you---"  Steve looked back at Natasha curiously, only to be met with an unimpressed look from the former and probably still current spy.  He went back to Darcy and eagerly offered her a stick of minty gum, which she took from him and popped into her mouth.  

 

"I was so scared," Darcy whimpered, standing up straight and turning into Steve's embrace.

 

"You were okay, sweetheart, look at how far you got so quick," Steve complimented her.  He always took her zombie plans very _very_ seriously, if he hadn't he didn't think she would have ever fallen in love with him.  

 

"I knew I'd be okay, I was with Bucky, I was worried about you and Nat and everyone else," Darcy admitted with a big sniff.  "Even stupid Tony."

 

"He couldn't have known you were expecting our baby, Darce, he wouldn't have done it if he had known," Steve promised.   

 

Natasha checked her phone and furrowed her brow.  "Looks like everyone is already fine, they were held in the supply shed by twenty other tiny, vicious robots.  Whatever you saw was a hologram, little one."

 

One of the Iron Legion that had escaped Darcy's wrath held up two thumbs pointed to the sky.  He then took off and went towards the camp, obviously going to retrieve the holo screens that had been used to set up the zombie hoax.

 

"Let's get you back to camp, you could use a cup of tea and something solid back in your belly," Steve suggested softly.  

 

Darcy nodded and walked with him, straight to where Bucky and Natasha were standing.

 

"So...you feel safe with me, Tiny?" Bucky smiled down at her as Natasha reached forward and stroked Darcy's cheek before she went towards the supply truck, leaving Steve to go in the RV with his best friend and his fiancee.

 

"Course I do, you big idiot," Darcy sniffled.  

 

"So, we're good pals, right?" Bucky nudged.

 

"Ugh, what's wrong with you?  Did Princess Shuri and the rest of the mad Wakandan scientists download new emotions into your brain?" Darcy countered.

 

"Thought you didn't like me," Bucky shrugged as he opened the RV door for her.  

 

"I thought you had little sisters, this is just how we act to protective older brothers," Darcy smirked at him.  She pushed Steve into the passenger seat of the vehicle and climbed on top of his lap, allowing him to cuddle her to his heart's content while sharing a smile with Bucky over her head.

 

"Good to know," Bucky winked at her.  "Now---let's talk about this baby you got cooking.  Are you real set on a Christmas wedding, Tiny?  'Cause I think I can get a shotgun to the groom's head to have him speed things along just so there's no scandal about the baby being early."  

 

**Author's Note:**

> heh. Tony is bad at peopling.
> 
> I tagged this major character death---just in case. I mean NO ONE DIED (Except a lot of Tony's Iron Legion, and Tony's balls which Darcy is definitely going to boil). But a few characters appeared to die, so I did the tag. 
> 
> So what is your zombie plan? Mine is to get my ass to Target. At least I'd probably die happy. Our local one still has a really big cardboard cutout of Captain America in the DVD section...
> 
> Happy Halloween! Thanks for reading!


End file.
